The Warrior Project: Liara Ikyrian, Burns Survivor
A brand new installment of ‘The Warrior Project’, a series of portraits of women and children who suffer or have suffered from mental or physical illness or disability.
Today we have the beautiful and brave Liara Ikyrian, AKA Labonya, a woman I have photographed before many many moons ago, and has one of the most intense stories to tell of anyone I’ve featured before in the Warrior project.
Please give her all the love in the world for her bravery and candidness <3
My name is Labonya, originally I come from Bangladesh, but I grew up most of my life in a quiet town called Burnley here in England. For living I work in banking and for hobbies my heart has always been with gaming, photography (when I was able to) and modelling (previously), creative writing and shopping. I do miss modelling and photography even as alternative experiment because before the fire as a child – what little I can remember – I used to pose in front of the mirror with my moms lipstick and imitating magazine covers and actresses. Before my mental health dilemma, from the age of 16 when selfies didn’t exist, I loved getting creative in front or even behind a camera be it my own or someone else’s because it gave me the ability to be someone else. Gaming and creative writing are my favourite escapes.
I was aged 7 or 8 years old and was caught prey in a kerosene lantern explosion in Dhaka, Bangladesh during a blackout. This was back in May 2000 when electrical generators weren’t popular yet. The explosion left me paralysed and burning until my Mom came to rescue. I suffered 40% first to second degree full thickness burns to face, neck, chest, under arms and some on the legs. After a 5 day coma I woke up amnesiac to a world of pain, since in Bangladesh at the time the medical treatments were primitive. Most procedures I survived without painkillers and even anaesthetics. Due to severe ostracization and cultural detachment – because I was termed a freak - my family moved to the UK so I could have a normal life. Even to this day I have contractures that limit my neck and arm movements and I am currently awaiting treatment for those.
I have been clinically diagnosed with severe PTSD and body dysmorphia and this affects my ability to function mentally most days, including things such as socialisation, interpersonal relationships with friends, family and relationships. I often feel being physically different and ‘Frankenstein’ at times (I was bullied severely in school with this title), I often dissociate with people. There are days where I cant face mirrors or even get out of bed or be able to eat or even enjoy my hobbies. Social anxiety and being too close to others stops me from being able to make new connections.
In the coming future post-Covid19 which has been mentally numbing in social isolation, I am undergoing laser treatment and self directed therapy to battle body dysmorphia. Currently I enjoy what I do job-wise and there is intention to progress and be the best I can. I have armed myself with a new camera kit to go back to photography. After two years I have managed to start gaming again and get my PTSD episodes down under control. But mainly my goal is to tackle depression and the dysmorphia. One of the best ways I found to cope was to transfer all my mental dilemmas and the journey so far through trauma into a journal which someday I may or may not possible intend to publish.
If I had to give one advice for anyone going through similar experience is simply this; don’t let the situation now put you in a panic to escape the present..because whatever it is, there IS a way -there is treatment available not just for your mental health but to improve your body – whatever we might define as imperfect or ‘not good enough’. So look after your body; whether its skincare, beauty treatments, exercise, fitness; whatever makes you feel comfortable in your skin. And be however the way you are comfortable, don’t worry about external judgements, you are living your life not others.
I had a wonderful time on the photoshoot. Before me and Donna got together after a decade since we last photographed together, to be honest I wasn’t sure and I did get cold feet because it had been 7 years since I was last on a shoot. My mind went blank but when I got there Donna helped me work through a plan using the ideas we had come up with before the shoot. She was straight to the point and we were shooting straight away after a nice brew and a laugh. When the pictures came up it made me tearful inside because I realized that all those thoughts of feeling ugly, ‘deformed’, not good enough were exaggerations all blown up inside my head. She talked me through the shoot, made me feel confident and comfortable especially since this was one of the only two times I had been nude. And it defeated most of the body dysmorphic thoughts I had been suffering with last few years.
The shoot took place on my 21st Burn Anniversary and marked ten years since we last shot together, in fact it was Donna who was the first photographer to capture me on her camera and then my short journey through modelling was sparked. My most favourite shot was the Beyonce-inspired gold semi-nude captures, it took a lot to be that brave and it wouldn’t be possible if not for Donna’s encouragement. She made all my anxiety of being in front of the camera go away in seconds.”
Well, what can I say about that?? What an inspirational story and woman, and I’m so thankful and a little overwhelmed at how much these portraits have helped her, its an honour to be able to help people with my camera and trigger finger! Thank you Labonya, I can’t wait to photograph you again!!